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4.11.17
Every so often, I find my way back here.
It's an emotional experience, every time. Bittersweet.
I no longer obsess over journal entries from ten years ago, so that's nice. Reading those things is next-level cringeworthy at this point. But I still get a little nostalgic and wistful when I read my old creative works, and the lovely things so many people had to say about them. There is such a beautiful and supportive community here. I really took it for granted when I was younger. I'll never be able to just drop back in - I'd have to work at it, and working at things is something I no longer do.
I'm 25 now. I started this deviantart account w
3.21.16
I miss writing so much.
Where did the words go? How do I get them back? I read over the things I've submitted here, years ago, and they feel like they were written by a different person. A stranger. Someone who knew herself, or at least knew how to write in a way that let her discover more. Every time I try now, it's clunky, conversational, uncreative. I've lost my voice. Completely.
I'm worse off now than I've ever been. Totally lost.
I see some of the same old faces are still here. People I considered friends, or at least friendly. People who supported my work and encouraged me to keep going. That makes me happy, but it makes me really s
9.24.15
Gaht damn. Every time I come back to this website it's completely different.
I turn 24 in about ten days. I'm getting older. Every year seems to go by faster and faster. I feel like I'm still in the same place. I know I've changed, incrementally, but it feels like I'm still an 18-year-old trauma survivor who has no fucking clue what she's doing, personally, professionally, or just in general.
My anxiety has only gotten worse with age. Same with the depression. I'm medicated now, which I suppose should be making a difference. Maybe it is. I don't know. All I know is that I'm either crying uncontrollably, unable to get out of bed, or so anxio
7.20.14
Once upon a time, this place was a safe haven. Between the pieces I submitted and the journals I wrote, I found a quiet space I could make sense of things. I look back now and feel a little embarrassed over how candid and open I was to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but then I remember that I haven't been that open and honest to anyone else (besides my husband) since. The past year (and maybe a little longer) has been a period of complete disconnection for me. I have lost touch with just about everything that once made me "me". I think this was necessary. There's a lot of harsh truths I needed to internalize, and I've needed time to fe
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Comments4
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I thought about writing something really poetic, cryptic, and well thoughtout...
But instead I'm just going to tell you to live in the moment and treasure every joy you find there.
But instead I'm just going to tell you to live in the moment and treasure every joy you find there.